One Word

For having a new blog, I really haven't done much blogging. Its been a rough last month for me. My pain has unfortunately been increasing in intensity and location. My doctor finally said I word yesterday that I've been dreading to hear, fibromyalgia. He is finally sending me to an actual pain specialist. I don't understand why it has taken him 6 months and a lot of break downs in his office for that to happen. So I'll have to take time off work for yet another appointment. I have an appointment with NW Arthritis next Thursday to get a definite diagnosis. I'm nervous that I might have fribromyalgia, but at the same time, I feel like there will be some relief in finally knowing what is going on, and have a game plan to overcome it. I surprisingly had this feeling of relief when I found about my disc degeneration. My employer is growing less patient with my time off requests even though they are prearranged and for medical reasons. Found out at the dentist today that I need to get a crown on a tooth, yet another thing I need to take time off for.

I had a very strong spiritual moment in the adult session of our stake conference a few weeks ago. The evening was centered around understanding the scriptures from Isiah that were used to make the music for The Messiah. I had always heard of the refiners fire but never really understood it. I learned that the refiner attending the crucible is always watching very closely and intently. I was given the knowledge through the Spirit that Christ is always by my side and never leaves me unattended in my crucible. There have been many times of desperation and hopelessness. But then I snap out of it and realize how many people I have in my life that love me (too bad a lot of them are far away). I also know that there are people on the other side of the veil that are actively cheering me on and giving me strength.

Life seems like a roller coaster. Some days my pain is less, making my responsibilities seem not so burdensome. Then other days my pain is off the chart and it hurts no matter what I do. I try to remember this scripture: 1 Ne 18:16 "Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions." I try not to worry about keeping my job. I have a clear conscience that I'm doing the best that I can. If that isn't good enough, then I'll accept the consequences. I know whatever comes my way, if I rely on the Lord and do my best, things will work out.

I am missing family and friends very much. Although I rarely feel lonely. Sounds odd, but I used to feel lonely all the time. But since I'm relying on the Lord for so much, that feeling rarely enters my heart. I had a wonderful time at my sisters in Pasco new years weekend. It only costs me a tank of gas round trip, so I need to visit her more often. If you are either family or friends reading this and you aren't within a 10 mile radius, know that you are ones that I'm missing. Hey, even if you are in the Spokane area, I might be missing you anyway. Friday nights are when I'm usually available to hang out (hint, hint) lol.

So, I'm basically trying to see the good in my life, count my blessings, and do my best. I have a lot about myself that I'm trying to improve. I thank you for any prayers or support that you have given me.